Tips for dating a transman

06-Jan-2021 15:40

We might be more comfortable watching hockey with our beer-buddies.

Some of us roam the lesbian scene, as that’s where we began our journeys.

I speak out — loudly — when I think that someone is disparaging him, using his old name, making a transphobic joke, or just generally prying where it's none of their business.

Most of the time, while I'm gearing up for righteous rant, my partner is quietly shaking his head, telling me that it's really not that big of a deal.

It never has been, and it's always been important to us both to be out and open. But being the partner of someone who is part of a minority community that, at best, is enjoying some supposedly newfound "fascination" focus in the media has its own set of challenges.

These are just a few of those challenges I've encountered, and heard reflected back from other women partnered with trans men: 1.

For the love of all that is good in the world, don’t ask us if we’re pre-op or post-op (i.e. What we have between our legs is none of your business. We know you’re curious about our bodies; you probably can’t help it. How to Make your Transman Feel Comfortable in Bed Like I said, we’re an eclectic bunch.

I'm aware that there are cis-trans couples where one or both partners identify as straight, gay, lesbian, bisexual, or pansexual — that just isn't us. We might be waiting for technology to develop a little more before we sign up for getting a phallus made. But we all like to think we’re more than just our bodies. If we click there’ll be plenty of time for awkward questions later. You might find one of us who already feels comfortable in bed and can show you a rocking good time from the start. We might be in the process of getting surgery to remove our breasts.But I'd be lying if I said there weren't several occasions where I've thought I was meeting someone for the first time, only to realize that I've crossed paths with them — or their trans* partner — before.

(Admittedly, this might say more about the queer social bubble I hang out in than about partners of trans folks generally.) 3. Unless we've invited you to be a part of our sexy times, I don't have any interest in offering you a play-by-play of how my spouse and I get down.Perhaps because we, as cis people, aren't used to experiencing such slights on a daily basis, we tend to be quicker to go on the defensive.

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