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08-Apr-2020 08:34

Thinking that Tim might be sad if both parents weren’t there, I countered that maybe we should do it all together and invite some other relatives.

Immediately I felt myself recoil from my own suggestion.

I don’t need an overgrown child hanging around, thank you! I got excited, it seems we had something in common! But, as I pressed, I realized he was avoiding answering my questions about it his family life. This dude had NO business talking to me until he sorted this stuff out with his wife. Wishing you better dates, Molly Undercover Nicknames, that is. He is very tall, with broad shoulders and sinewy limbs. When we are not together, we don’t talk or text much (I have my friends for that! Just the present moment, which is, for me and for now, perfect. The afternoon of the planned date, he texted to say that he really felt like flying in his meticulously restored vintage plane, and would I like to join? I trusted he’d keep us alive, and if we did crash and die, at least I’d be having an amazing time with a hot guy in the process. I called just before we were to meet, to ask if there were any clothing requirements for flying. As he nerded out over the aged Cessna, I could sense his relationship with it.

And he has other lovely qualities: he’s fetching, he’s passionate for life, and he’s great with his dog. A little background on how my nicknames for him evolved: ‘The Centaur’ was coined by a mutual friend one night, after this undomesticated man-person had stomped around at a party in only cowboy boots and sparkly spandex. He’s not looking for anything committed or serious. Plus, he’d been a legitimate pilot for twenty years. First, he performed what appeared to be a quite serious safety inspection of the very sexy airplane he’d restored to mint condition over a decade with his dad and best friends.

Also, his name might seem like an insult, but I mean it in the very best of ways! My voice on the phone was fake polite, anxious, and over-compensating, with an edge of passive-aggressive anger. I filled in the ex about the plan I’d made, and asked what he’d been hoping to do with Tim for a birthday celebration.

He asked if he could take Tim for a birthday dinner on his actual birthday.

When he gets up to go to the bathroom I decide to risk asking him about his politics when he returns. All I can think about is how people in earshot must be so annoyed to have to listen to our attempt to connect. This was before I’d called the Centaur but after I’d met him and got his number. They are so cute together, cracking each other up all day, developing inside jokes and having fun.

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I live in the same neighborhood with Adonis, and considered ahead of time that it happen that we’d run into each other. In my opinion, it is not nice to ignore people if they’re an object of your affections. He’s at the same school he started at when he was three, and it’s crazy to see how all the kids have changed in what feels like literally a FEW years to me. At a time like this, I would have enjoyed sharing the fun of seeing the cousins together with Tim’s Dad.

Abruptly, his face turned away from me, his left hand sliding up to mouth. We went outside and played in the pouring rain like toddlers. We had incredible conversations about philosophy, work, jealousy, and more. XO, Molly Undercover I’m going to need to be complainey here just for a minute, ok?

At a few points, he’d thrust a harmonica or a violin at me to solo (both of which I happened to used to love to play a million years ago but suck at now.) We danced together and he lifted me in the air, spinning me around.

He’ll ignore my texts until he wants to talk to me. I went to a breakfast cafe with Tim for a fun mom-and-kid breakfast. This is the kind of stuff I used to get heavy input from Tim’s dad on.

In between dates, we have been practically strangers to each other. If we can’t talk intelligently about what’s going on in the world, forget it. I also have weeks of vacation saved up at work, and only need to make a plan in order to be on the road somewhere. But for some reason, I am having a terrible time committing to any particular plan for weekend trips or longer vacations. On the surface, it’s just indecision, but if I sit with my feelings a little bit I realize I’m feeling alone.

(In hindsight, red flag, obviously – be careful when somebody picks you up on the street! Actually, he was still living with his wife, the mother of his children, and she didn’t know he was out picking up ladies AND he’d just right then lied. I should have known by the way he scurried along the gutter. It almost seems like there is something about the Centaur that’s meant to get me SO flustered that I eventually give up, stop overthinking, and stop trying to control my reality. He asked me to hold off for a few more minutes because he was busy preening. His apartment is an old victorian place full of patina. He took some time to give me a tour and explain the science behind how tough it would be to crash the thing.