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I considered all the above paths for a long time and was tempted by more than a few of them.In the end, I walked away from all contact with my child more than two years ago.When he fell over and scraped his arm when he was with me, I was advised by my attorney to go to all the trouble of going to the doctor, having the scrape bandaged and so on, just to legally cover myself in case she would claim that it had in fact been intentionally caused. Some men commit suicide because they can’t handle the anguish.While on the lookout for anything that could be used against me, all the while constantly being told I was a bad person, a bad father, and all my involvement with my son was systematically stripped away. Others resort to violence and anger against the ex-wife.Have a listen: Other ways to listen: i Tunes ♦ Stitcher ♦ Tune In ♦ Sound Cloud ♦ Google Play What I haven’t reported much is the point of view from the checked-out dads, many of whom have shared with me articulate, thoughtful, and often heart-breaking accounts of why they are not part of their children’s lives.
Here is one story from a commenter on the above posts: From John G: From my own experiences, I believe it’s widespread for women to use children as a weapon to exact revenge against the ex during, and after, divorce proceedings. My son was being tutored on what to say to me (did you ever hear a 7-year-old respond ‘I’m not comfortable talking about that’ when asked a question?But no, she is still the same bitter and vengeful baggage that she always was.Rather than attempting to discuss things and put things on the right track, she is willing to communicate in writing only. Frankly, I feel that’s very naive and is almost always a view propagated by women. During those days, I used to recall these lines from shakespeare’s King John: Logically, I have to balance the damage to myself, my life and mental health, the possibility of the conflict damaging the child, against the damage done by my absence. She doesn’t seem to think that I’m needed and believes that my seeing the child is a bad thing. She lives with the kid and does the real parenting.I refuse to be reduced to the level of a Disneyland dad by some judge, attorney, social worker or indeed his mother. One day, I will be able to get in touch without going through her once the child is old enough.
I refuse to beg for access, or beg for photographs, or ask permission when I can please take him on vacation.
The thirds set take the difficult road, and sacrifice years of their happiness, battling on a hopeless battle with the ex, just to maintain some sort of contact with the kids.